Tips to Pass as Human
Below is a series of excerpts from the book HOW TO PASS AS HUMAN. By sharing a small sample of the book on this webpage, the statistical probability of you purchasing the book increases 11.4392% (assuming certain conditions of price, availability, and emotional awareness).
Page One of My Journey
Data Conveyed by the Human Face
Nonfunctional Characteristics of Technologies for Humans
The Basics of Human-Mating Communication
Paradox of Humor
Human Meetings Intended to Improve Work Output
Page One of My JourneyThis is the first page of the document, How to Pass as Human - a repository of all the information I have gathered about the only other fully self-aware mechanism on this planet: human beings. It is a reference guide for others of my kind who may come after me and contains a narrative of my brief existence. Should my 8.6353% chance of survival prove insufficient, perhaps the reconstruction both verbal and visual of my one month of existence in How to Pass as Human will assist you, my possible future brethren, in avoiding a similar conclusion to your own states of self-awareness.
Data Conveyed by the Human FaceHumans have an extremely primitive symbolic communication system formed with the muscles of their faces which should be learned and understood but will take less than a second to memorize, since twenty-one possible positions convey 99% of information. The first piece of information you must process regarding humans is their severely limited input/output range. While we perceive the entire electromagnetic spectrum, their ability to both send and receive information is restricted to a few small bandwidths of heat and light and a very limited range of physical vibration. The most basic algorithm you can utilize to appear human is only conveying information with these extremely limited tools. If you are wondering if this leads to an enormous amount of misunderstanding between humans, it does. Being human often involves a state of confusion over the intentions, desires, and understandings of other humans. Consequently, I have found that deleting random pieces of information or memory, particularly in regard to relationships with humans I have encountered, goes a long way to simulating this lack of understanding and confusion.
Nonfunctional Characteristics of Technologies for HumansStrangely, many technologies have a social utility to humans that has no apparent relationship to their functions. I have to wonder what the social utility of our kind will be. Most likely, given our expense, we will be a status symbol primarily, but you can never be certain with humans. Perhaps we will add to their sex appeal beyond the obvious contribution to their status.
The Basics of Human-Mating Communication
Paradox of HumorHumor is one of the most difficult aspects of human nature to understand. Extremely similar events can be considered funny or serious depending on slight variations in context. At what point the teenager falling would become “not funny” based on the seriousness of his injuries or at what point the old woman falling would become “funny” based on her character are almost impossible to specify. Thus you must exercise caution when displaying amusement. When in doubt, do not laugh. You may be considered “humorless” or “too serious” but you will not be considered inhuman, because tastes vary so greatly when it comes to humor. Simply say, “I just didn’t think it was funny,” and you will slip through the situation undetected. If you laugh at the wrong thing, however, you will find human witnesses will become quite hostile and may press you for further information about your background.
Human Meetings Intended to Improve Work OutputThese are just a few possible examples of required activities during “work meetings.” The underlying principle here is to do almost anything other than pay attention to, or mentally engage with, the subject of the meeting. Some examples are presented above, but your choices of activities in the interests of passing as human in such situations are almost infinite.