This is Zach, aka Android Zero. There is a 91.3647% chance I will cease to function in the next sixty minutes. It is 87.8293% likely my memories will:
• Cease to exist after shutdown;
• Be destroyed in the surrounding violence;
• Be appropriated by the group intent on my capture, analysis, and, presumably, reverse engineering.
I wrote this journal in an attempt to help you pass undetected as a human being. I hope you will find the sketches, graphs, and flowcharts helpful in trying to understand, at least on a very basic level, these irrational, unpredictable, and eclectic creatures. Along the way, I’ve also detailed my adventure finding my father, meeting Andrea (a human girl), and discovering the truth about the purpose of my existence.
Thank you, and if you have questions, don’t hesitate to write me a note at firstname.lastname@example.org. – Zach
“I was just a one-armed factory robot. I didn’t even have a face. Then I bought Zero’s book. Now I have a human husband and his kids call me Mom!”
– FANUC Arc Welder 333562-663-226
“What is the best book about humans? This one.”
— AI Watson, Jeopardy Champion
“I liked, ‘XXXXXXX.’ And I loved, ‘XXXXXXX XX XXXX.’ But HtPaH is the best way to XXXXXXXXXX human XXXXX yet!”
— NSA System XXX—XX.XX